The Hangover Part II

Have you seen the first one? Change the setting to Bangkok. Now you have seen both movies. (4/8 eyeboogers)

The Shawshank Redemption

If you like rape, murder, and conspiracy...then you are into some weird stuff. Those three things are also in this movie.

Tim Robbins plays Andy Dufrense, a former banker that has been sentenced to life in prison...FOR MURDER! Here is the thing though, he didn't even do it! If Tim Robbins sounds like a familiar actor then you probably have seen him in one of his more well known films, The City of Ember (4/8 eyeboogers).

Morgan Freeman plays Red. Red is a black guy in jail.

Anyways at the end of the day you very easily could fall asleep during this movie. It is a very long and quiet movie. Although it has all of the necessary qualities a movie needs for a person to sleep during, I did not fall asleep. Therefore I give this movie 0/8 eyeboogers.

How Do You Know? 47:21

In this movie Reese Witherspoon plays a 31 year old (YEAH RIGHT!) softball player. She hasn't been 31 for like a FEW years! The last time she looked hot in a movie you would have to switch the numbers in the age she portrays in this movie, so she would be 13 (pedo-joke). Actually she looked pretty hot in the Spiderman movies that came out a few years ago (EDIT: That is not her).

Owen Wilson plays a star pitcher for the Washington Nationals in this movie. The reason I knew this movie was not based on a true story is because Nationals players do not have fans in real life.

Paul Rudd is very Paul Ruddy.

Also Jack Nicklaus has his first major role, he has a smooth transition from the fairway to the silver screen.

The 47:21 that I caught of this movie was dumb. There was a funny part with Owen Wilson at one point. 6/8 eyeboogers.

The Terminal 31:28

Tom Hanks at his finest. This must be the other movie he won an oscar for. No wait, no. Nope. That was a joke. He plays a very convincing Eastern-European man in this movie, but not really. He is almost as good as one of my friends when they do an impression of somebody from Eastern Europe. My friends are very below average with that kind of accent.

If you are looking for a movie to fall asleep to, why not this? It is not a very loud movie, because it takes place in an airport terminal. At worst it gets to an above average murmur level.

I have never ever seen a movie live up to its title so well. I enjoyed this as much as sitting at the airpot, waiting for a plane. I’m guessing that is what this movie was about, I did not finish it. I fell asleep around the 31:28 point in the movie. (7/8 eyeboogers)

That Thing You Do!

I know that Tom Hanks has probably won an oscar or two in his career, probably. I would bet most, no, I would bet all of my money that he won best something for this movie. It doesn’t matter that I have $0.86 in my debit account, if I had $6.00 I would bet around $3.50 of that.

The main character in this movie kind of looks like the guy that was in My Boyfriend’s Back from 1993 (3/8 eyeboogers). I just did some research and that is not him.

If you are looking for a realistic zombie movie I would highly suggest renting MBFB on VHS. It is the story of a high school boy named Johnny Dingle, who happens to be in love with Missy McCloud. The only problem is she is dating the JERK jock of the school, played by Jack from Lost. The jock’s best friend is an even bigger JERK, played by the guy that played Sandy Lyle in Along Came Polly (0/8 eyeboogers). Long story short Johnny dies while saving Missy’s life, comes back to life, and wins her heart at prom! While he is dead!

Steve Zahn also plays one of the band members in this movie, I’m certain his role in this led him to bigger and better movies like Saving Silverman (1/8 eyeboogers).

Charlize Theron is in this movie as well, so is Steven Tyler’s daughter.

This is a movie about a band that makes it big. The Oneders. Then the Wonders. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will get goosebumps. Most importantly you will stay awake. 0/8 eyeboogers.

Bedtime Stories 9:43

Bedtime Stories? Might as well have been a bedtime story. This movie put me out in record time.

Adam Sandler was in this movie, and that is knowledge I have gained by looking at the poster to the right of this sentence. The more I look at the poster the more I think that this could have been a sequel to Gladiator starring Russell Crowe (0/8 eyeboogers). Unfortunately that doesn't make sense, because the first one was not a Disney movie as far as I know. I'll have my research department look into that.

Gladiator is a very good movie. Joaquin Phoenix plays a great villain to Russell Crowe's hero. Although Gladiator may run a bit long, I did not fall asleep. There were tigers in this movie at one point. There was also a tiger in The Hangover (0/8 eyeboogers). The Jungle Book (0/8 eyeboogers) from 1967 also had a tiger in it, so did The Jungle Book (6/8 eyeboogers) from 1994. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (n/a eyeboogers) may or may not have had a tiger in it.

OK let's get back to Bedtime Stories. This had to be a personal best for me. I was watching this movie with my roommate and fell asleep so fast that I had to ask him what movie it was that I fell asleep to. I actually fell asleep on the remote and my roommate was left watching the movie in fast forward.

I will try to recall what I vaguely remember. There might have been talking animals in this movie. I also remember something about gum-balls.

If you need to fall asleep to a movie this is the one. This is it. And because it is a Disney movie, you are guaranteed to have a happy dream. 8/8 eyeboogers.

Fool's Gold

Is this Fool’s Gold, or Oscar Gold? I’m not sure, but I am sure that I did not fall asleep during this movie.

0/8 eyeboogers.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Kevin James does it again. There is something about an overweight man on a segway that keeps me awake.

Thank God that I splurged and got this movie on Blu-Ray. Watching Mall Cop any other way would not give this film the respect it deserves. With all of the intense action scenes and stunning special effects, it is an absolute must to watch this movie in high definition.

At one point I paused the movie and drank some NyQuil, only to give myself a shot at falling asleep. Still finished it. I am convinced that it is impossible to sleep during a thriller like this one.

0/8 eyeboogers. Flawless.

Inception 19:07

Before I start writing about this movie, I want you to know that I was very tired when I tried to watch this.

This is a very complex movie. There may or may not have been a train early on in this film. The Korean guy from Lost may or may not have been in this movie as well. What I do know is that Leonardo DiCaprio was in this movie. I believe that the chick from Juno was in this too.

This movie was rather loud so it was hard to sleep through. It was literally loud enough at times to wake me up. Not loud in a this movie blows my mind kind of way. Volume wise it was loud. Because of that this scores lowish on the eyebooger scale. I give Inception 3/8 eyeboogers.

Edit: I tried watching this again and did not make it much farther. I do know that there is a snow scene later on in the film. 4/8 eyeboogers now. Still loud.

The Switch 49:38

Just your typical story about a 40 something year old lady that wants to have a baby, and her best friend (who is a guy that she is sexually attracted to) switches the sperm donation on her...with his own! She moves away immediately after the pregnancy, and 7 years later returns with her son.

Jason Bateman does a great job of playing the same character that he always plays in this movie, and so does Jennifer Anniston.

The kid in this movie does a good job with his part, as the weird kid that is misunderstood. He collects picture frames. It turns out to be a metaphor for the family that has been missing from his life.  (OH SHIT THAT'S SAD).

Jeff Goldblum is very Jeff Goldblumy.

Overall on the first attempt I fell asleep at 49:58. I give this movie 6/8 eyeboogers.

I should probably explain the eyebooger scale. The more eyeboogers, the easier it is to fall asleep to.