Bedtime Stories 9:43

Bedtime Stories? Might as well have been a bedtime story. This movie put me out in record time.

Adam Sandler was in this movie, and that is knowledge I have gained by looking at the poster to the right of this sentence. The more I look at the poster the more I think that this could have been a sequel to Gladiator starring Russell Crowe (0/8 eyeboogers). Unfortunately that doesn't make sense, because the first one was not a Disney movie as far as I know. I'll have my research department look into that.

Gladiator is a very good movie. Joaquin Phoenix plays a great villain to Russell Crowe's hero. Although Gladiator may run a bit long, I did not fall asleep. There were tigers in this movie at one point. There was also a tiger in The Hangover (0/8 eyeboogers). The Jungle Book (0/8 eyeboogers) from 1967 also had a tiger in it, so did The Jungle Book (6/8 eyeboogers) from 1994. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (n/a eyeboogers) may or may not have had a tiger in it.

OK let's get back to Bedtime Stories. This had to be a personal best for me. I was watching this movie with my roommate and fell asleep so fast that I had to ask him what movie it was that I fell asleep to. I actually fell asleep on the remote and my roommate was left watching the movie in fast forward.

I will try to recall what I vaguely remember. There might have been talking animals in this movie. I also remember something about gum-balls.

If you need to fall asleep to a movie this is the one. This is it. And because it is a Disney movie, you are guaranteed to have a happy dream. 8/8 eyeboogers.

Fool's Gold

Is this Fool’s Gold, or Oscar Gold? I’m not sure, but I am sure that I did not fall asleep during this movie.

0/8 eyeboogers.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Kevin James does it again. There is something about an overweight man on a segway that keeps me awake.

Thank God that I splurged and got this movie on Blu-Ray. Watching Mall Cop any other way would not give this film the respect it deserves. With all of the intense action scenes and stunning special effects, it is an absolute must to watch this movie in high definition.

At one point I paused the movie and drank some NyQuil, only to give myself a shot at falling asleep. Still finished it. I am convinced that it is impossible to sleep during a thriller like this one.

0/8 eyeboogers. Flawless.

Inception 19:07

Before I start writing about this movie, I want you to know that I was very tired when I tried to watch this.

This is a very complex movie. There may or may not have been a train early on in this film. The Korean guy from Lost may or may not have been in this movie as well. What I do know is that Leonardo DiCaprio was in this movie. I believe that the chick from Juno was in this too.

This movie was rather loud so it was hard to sleep through. It was literally loud enough at times to wake me up. Not loud in a this movie blows my mind kind of way. Volume wise it was loud. Because of that this scores lowish on the eyebooger scale. I give Inception 3/8 eyeboogers.

Edit: I tried watching this again and did not make it much farther. I do know that there is a snow scene later on in the film. 4/8 eyeboogers now. Still loud.

The Switch 49:38

Just your typical story about a 40 something year old lady that wants to have a baby, and her best friend (who is a guy that she is sexually attracted to) switches the sperm donation on her...with his own! She moves away immediately after the pregnancy, and 7 years later returns with her son.

Jason Bateman does a great job of playing the same character that he always plays in this movie, and so does Jennifer Anniston.

The kid in this movie does a good job with his part, as the weird kid that is misunderstood. He collects picture frames. It turns out to be a metaphor for the family that has been missing from his life.  (OH SHIT THAT'S SAD).

Jeff Goldblum is very Jeff Goldblumy.

Overall on the first attempt I fell asleep at 49:58. I give this movie 6/8 eyeboogers.

I should probably explain the eyebooger scale. The more eyeboogers, the easier it is to fall asleep to.